Dealing With Anger in a Straight Fashion
When we do not deal with our true feelings about the cheating spouse in a healthy fashion, those feelings may start to come out in many different unhealthy ways. Some unhealthy ways of dealing with a cheating spouse may include:
- Cheating back on your spouse.
- Telling the whole world how bad your spouse is.
- Doing physical harm to your spouse or even yourself.
- Taking revenge on the person your spouse was cheating with.
- Using social media as a way to let the world know what has happened.
This short list is an example of some of the ways people can let their anger out in a sideways and vindictive manner. What is sad yet true is that, when we let our anger out in a vindictive fashion, we are actually hurting ourselves even more.
Open and Honest Communication
To help limit the urge a spouse may get to cheat on the relationship requires time and commitment to the relationship. It also requires a commitment to maintaining open and honest emotional communication. This involves more than talking about the weather, work, and activities of the day. While some of that mundane communication is helpful, it does not help create the love, connection, safety, and trust that is important in a relationship.
Open and honest emotional communication allows a couple to share anything, including their true feelings. When one partner shares in this way, the other also needs to hear it. This does not mean that both partners need to agree on what is shared. It just means that they are being heard on the emotional level and respected in the process. When this form of communication occurs, both partners can be heard, honored, and respected to help them feel validated in the relationship.
While this form of communication sounds easy, it is made difficult because we have all been taught to hide our true feelings. When we are able to work through this dilemma of sharing our true feelings, our relationship deepens and the need for cheating outside of the relationship decreases.
Being Aware of Signs of Infidelity
Many times someone will share that their spouse has cheated, and they saw the warning signs and ignored them. To help maintain a healthy relationship, these signs need to be monitored and addressed as soon as they are noticed. Some of the warning signs include: keeping secrets, lying, limiting what is shared, distance, unexplained time away from home, emotional disconnectedness, hiding information or things, and having an emotional affair. Each of these is a way of saying “I do not trust you,” or “I do not want to let you know what is going on.” It is important to address these behaviors quickly.
While there are many ways to deal with a cheating spouse, none of the options is easy. Preventing a spouse from cheating also takes work and decreases the intensity of emotional pain. If the cheating has already occurred, it can be worked through. As long as both partners are willing to make the commitment and put forth the effort, they can establish a renewed and stronger relationship.